I like to outline basic “day in the life of” scenarios for people considering getting involved in a blended family. With divorces skyrocketing, remarriage with children is very likely for many. Some are fortunate enough to co parent successfully like my ex spouse and I used to be able to do. Others, not so much. On Hubs’ side, he’s definitely in the “not so much” category and sometimes the “not at all” category so they parallel parent.
Today’s blog is the youth group edition.
We’ve always attended churches that have well structured youth programs. The schedule is online and available to all youth and their parents. They send weekly email updates to anyone who is signed up. They have social media pages where things are public to everyone.
Baby Mama has the kids attending a very small Pentecostal (AOG really) type church (more about that later since the kids have said they are tired of being pressured to courtesy fall up front) and there doesn’t seem to be any structure with the youth program outside of them advising Baby Mama of events. Hubs has primary legal custody of both of his son’s and other than holiday breaks, they’re only with their mom 4 nights per month. We have made contact with the youth leader, met her in person at the Easter egg hunt event, and she knows how to reach us. However, she continues to only update the boys’ non custodial parent who is a deacon at the church except for one time when she asked if we were going to let the kids go and pay for the kids to attend youth camp (at least the message sure seemed geared that way. On the financial side, Hubs’ has paid over $1500 for child support, Birthday, graduation and medical bills this month alone and we are tapped out! I had 3 jobs as a single mom to send my kids to camp. Why in the world won’t their mom help them financially? Also a separate blog).
We found out last week that our 15 year old son taught Sunday school class for the youth and the class was recorded and shared on social media with Baby Mama ONLY (and other church friends of course). They did not let us know or send us the video or contact us at all. From the outside looking in, it feels like they are intentionally excluding us from updates about our kids due to their personal friendship and relationship with Baby Mama.
When the 15 year old had some serious issues with Baby Mama, I asked for a meeting at the church with the 15 year old, our family and his moms family. I emailed them. No response. I called them and left a voice mail. No response.
I’ve seen churches engage in this type of behavior before and it’s not right. My husband is these kids’ FATHER and primary managing conservator yet the facility doesn’t work with our family about the kids at all. We don’t even know when their activities are or what they are doing. No email updates. Nothing.
Y’all, be VERY careful when selecting a church home. Any church that only works with 1 parent should be on your radar of concern.
Iced coffee cheers your way ☕️