It’s no secret that in our personal life we have tons of “blended family drama”. Though I am a very confident and vocal woman, I do actually work very hard to avoid conflict if at all possible. Unfortunately, conflict avoidance has become a habit that has created problems in the lives of our children.
For example, my ex was released from prison a couple of years ago and I have intentionally avoided him in order to avoid conflict (I had a restraining order on him for 6 years so we have not had contact in a very long time). But, avoiding him also meant avoiding my kids at times. When my son graduated, I sat apart from the rest of my son’s family and quickly left when it was over so that he could go mix and mingle with his dad and grandparents. Earlier this month my son told me he was planning to move into a new apartment and I told him I would take the day off to help. He then told me that his Dad was going to be there so I quickly told him I would just stay home and would stop by the next day.
Hubster’s kids attend a youth group at their moms church. They stay the night with the leaders. They participate in Sunday morning performances. His daughter is part of the choir. They’ve asked us several times to attend or to take them and we’ve always declined. Why? We want to avoid conflict. Last week the 17 year old asked us to take her to an Easter event with youth group this weekend since she will be with us on Easter and our first reaction was no. Just in case Hubs’ ex was there which could create conflict or uncomfortableness among all parties.
Honestly, we are done living by FEAR and missing out on our kids’ events simply because the ex spouse could be present. No more. That ends NOW.
I’ve heard it said “love your kids more than you hate your ex” and I think that’s a great reminder to hold onto.
Who knows? Maybe the more we are all present at the same place the more the kids will be used to it so that future graduations, celebrations, weddings, etc. won’t have to be so awkward and uncomfortable for the kids. It’s been a long time coming but better late than never.