I had a thought today and wanted to write it down really quickly before moving on to the normal, busy weeknight family life.
The thought … Problem Identification.
It’s important to me not to harp on problems. Identify them. Brainstorm possible solutions. Make goals for dealing with the issues that we can influence. If we can’t change it, move on. Sort of like the popular prayer “God, grant me the serenity (peace) to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. Oh yes, that is totally applicable to the blended family LOL.
My mind took a quick inventory of the various problems, issues and struggles in our blended family. I wondered to myself, what do I think the biggest issue is between my Hubs and his Ex, and our two households. The answer – in my opinion – is communication.
Isn’t that one of the toughest issues in most relationships? And if you didn’t communicate well with your ex back when you were married to them, how can you really expect to communicate well with them once they are your ex and carry their two best friends, Bitterness and Resentment, with them everywhere they go? Do you have to be bitter and resentful? No. But if you are or have an ex who is, it sure does make communication so much worse.
Have you identified any key issues in your blended family? If so, is there one in particular that you CAN tackle and influence for the better? Are there any that you must simply accept for your own peace?
Be encouraged! Over time, with age, with maturity, with acceptance of the personality and home differences, it really does get better or at least EASIER. You develop a “new normal”. Things that used to drive us CRAZY about the ex’s behavior and house really do roll off of our backs now. Not the big things of course such as the kids health, safety, schooling, etc. but the little things.
For example, the kids came home last night and said that someone sent them Christmas money to their moms house. But, they were a little annoyed because their mom made them use it to buy their own clothes for the church Christmas program and to buy their own meal when they all went out to eat. They wanted to use the money for games or something fun but instead were told to buy clothes and food. In the past, things like that used to drive us crazy. Seriously. Crazy. But now it’s a teaching opportunity with the kids about communication, self advocating, and picking your battles.
We are so not perfect on this journey. Not even close actually. But we are definitely getting better and I choose to celebrate the victories. Sometimes that’s just the victory of “accepting the things you cannot change”.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas over this next week.
Hugs and support your way.