Hey Y’all 🙂 How’s your journal reading and workbook going? Week 7’s reading goal was pages 78-89.
In typical Naja fashion, there are so many critical reminders packed within this handful of pages, each of which could be highlighted in FULL. For example, “you may not have been his FIRST WIFE but you’re his FOREVER WIFE”. Or my favorite nugget reminder regarding whether your stepchild will ever love you if the child’s mother doesn’t like you… “Sorry, but if your stepchild’s mother discourages the child from bonding with you, at best, the relationship will be surface and superficial”. THANK YOU Naja for that reminder because I have lived that one and just had to let it go. I learned pretty early on that positive contact with me by a stepchild resulted in discipline and punishment to the child. In fact, being ugly or saying mean things about me was met with rewards. I spent YEARS and lots of mental space attempting to change that and it didn’t work. Putting ALL OF THAT in the f@ck it bucket (see last week) – changing my perspective rather than trying to change the outcome – really helped me with that.
She also dives into what I believe is one of the most important reminders for stepparents which she refers to as Reverse Stepmom Enmeshment – “When a stepmom is unable to compartmentalize her feelings of contempt for her stepkid’s mom and separate it from her stepkids”. There are absolutely occasions when the child is literally the ex spouses mini me and works full time to damage the family relationship any way they can (with their dad, stepmom, stepmoms bio kids, etc). But there are also women that cannot separate their stepchild from the ex spouse and the child suffers for it. The child is not to blame for the “antics” of the ex spouse. That is HER issue, HER need for control, HER need to cause pain, HER need to remain in the spotlight, but it’s not the child’s fault. It’s really not. The child is simply being used as a tool – an arrow – to wound the ex spouse. And guess what, most kids DO and WILL see that later in life for themselves (most, not all).
Do any of these issues ring out to you? What struck you the most this week?
For more info about the journal or to join in, grab your copy HERE.