My stepdaughter turned 18 this month. Yaye!!! We consider 18 and graduated a parenting success. This is 4 of 6 and we are so proud of all of them.
The Stepdaughter is the only one of the kids who didn’t live with us full time (well, she did actually but Hubs let her move back to her Mom’s for many reasons in 7th grade). Because of that, Stepdaughter has pretty intense loyalty binds to her Mother. Which is fine. It’s definitely not a competition and the more people that love her, the better. So anyway…
Stepdaughter turned 18 and blasted thank you’s all over social media to everyone who enriched her life over the past 18 years except for me. According to all 3 kids, it’s because Bio Mom hates me so much and is so jealous that the kids aren’t even allowed to mention my name in her presence. I’ve even been told that one of the kids said that I loved a song that was playing on the radio so their mom turned the song off 😂 That’s awesome.
My issue with stepdaughter working so hard to be a mom pleaser is that she frequently and often uses me for fun, entertainment, support, and money. Out of no where she will text me that a musician will be in town, hint that I should get her concert tickets. She will text “do you have plans for my birthday yet”. She will text “are you getting my nails done for prom”. She will text frequently about what she’d like me to do FOR her but she doesn’t give anything back in return. We have 6 teenagers so I understood the age, the general selfish nature, etc. but she goes above and beyond that. My bio kids don’t even ask me to do the things she does. So I’m taking a break from her. I’ll be there emotionally or will give advice if asked, but the pocketbook has got to be cut off for awhile. In reality, we cut all of the kids off financially at age 18 so that’s nothing different.
The kids blame their Mom for the attitude their sister has. But at what point should the child be accountable for their own actions? 18 and graduated seems a bit old to still be under Mom’s control. But maybe not. I don’t know. But I do know that I’m absolutely, positively, definitely tired of feeling used and only being contacted if it’s to do something, give something or pay something. That ends now.
I posted about this topic in my small group and was blown away by the number of women in the group who experience the same thing. Apparently it’s far more common than I imagined.
So I’m going to sit back, make popcorn, and watch this movie play out.
And celebrate. 4 down, 2 to go.
Coffee cheers your way ☕️