Headache Edition #BlendedFamilyHellonEarth

Good morning from Texas y’all.

I love this blog, our small group, and having a good old-fashioned support system. This edition of #BlendedFamilyHellonEarth is almost too comical to draft. BUT, that’s the heart behind this website to begin with. Illustrating and sharing real life issues that can arise in a blended family. Not always – but sometimes – things that are just a routine, normal part of child raising can become full on war topics post divorce. Seriously. It’s sad but true.

This edition of Real Housewives is about headaches. For the past 2-3 months we have noticed that the youngest child either returns from his Mom’s with a headache or gets a really bad one at school the day after he returns from his Moms. On the Mondays following his Mom’s weekends he often takes a nap right after school before doing homework. Over Thanksgiving break they were there 9 nights and the kiddo came home saying he had a “migraine for 3 days” but when he stayed with his friends overnight it went away. He thinks maybe he’s allergic to something over there.

We had been tracking the timing of the headaches for the past few visits but with the ongoing nature over Thanksgiving, Hubs decided it was time to see if the ex knew what was going on possibly. The oldest boy gets headaches pretty easily due to allergies, too much time on electronics (and his school is paperless so he’s on an iPad A LOT), and definitely after being in a car. He gets motion sickness very easily so if he’s dropped off with a headache we usually assume it’s from being in the car. A glass of water and good night’s sleep typically works for him like a charm.

With the youngest, we simply can’t figure it out and inquiring minds want to know and need to know in case he needs to go see a doctor. He most definitely is sensitive to strong smells and chemicals. Ex. My daughter LOVES Downy unstoppables added to her bedding when it’s washed but the youngest kiddo hates it. He says it smells too strong and gives him a headache. When we deep clean the house using bleach, vinegar or pine sol, he says the same thing. He’s also allergic to hand sanitizer and it burns his hands and turns them very red. Maybe rubbing alcohol is the culprit? We aren’t really sure but my EMT medical tech wanna be spouse is going to figure it out LOL.

While brainstorming the headache issue, Hubs asked the kids what, if anything, the kiddos are around at their moms that is different from what they’re around at our house. Things like the woods, cleaning supplies, laundry detergent, insect repellant, etc. They brain stormed various things it could be along with motion sickness, electronic usage, and possible dehydration (because they’ve come back several times dehydrated or heat sick even to the point of vomiting so that should be considered). In reply both kids said two things. (1) There are tons of trees and woods there so maybe it’s seasonal allergies (could be but he has no other symptoms of seasonal allergies here even when he goes camping) and (2) the kitchen trash can is loaded with mold and smells so bad that they stand as far away from the trash as possible and throw items into it like it’s a basketball game.

So, before the kids’ visit to their moms this past weekend, Hubs emailed her to see if she could tell what the child could be allergic to over there. Hubs always makes it a point to be very cordial, respectful and polite to his ex when he emails her (he’s been instructed by his lawyer to always communicate via email so that his attempts to co-parent are documented and so that’s what he does).

But in reply to Hubs’ email about this topic, the kids got in trouble. They were lectured, scolded, and informed that they are not allowed to discuss her house with us ever at any time. She proceeded to tell the youngest child that she doesn’t need her ex in her business and he’s not in charge of her house or her rules. (We are super clueless about all of these statements because Hubs never said anything negative about her house nor did he set up any rules whatsoever. So … insert shoulder shrug emoji here LOL).

Hubs emails the ex that the kids should NOT be in trouble for any of these discussions and she needs to stop pressuring them when they are there because it makes them uncomfortable and harms her relationship with them. They definitely feel like they have to walk on eggshells and can’t say even the slightest thing without getting in trouble with her.

In reply – I kid you not – in writing, she said many things including this: “Why didn’t you call regarding your concern?? Instead you send threatening and accusing email… The boys should not be questioned about my home… all this for headaches and a trash can that is now obsolete…”. I mean, she flipped her lid with him.

Y’all, I am sooooo imperfect. I’m an imperfect person with an imperfect past with imperfect parenting techniques who continues to attempt to walk through life with both good days and bad days. But one thing I can honestly say is that I really did not have co-parenting issues with my ex (until the TRO… but that’s another blog). We didn’t hire lawyers to handle our divorce, we reached all of our custody and property issues by agreement, and we maintained an “open door” policy post divorce. Ex. Several years after my divorce I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and heard an odd noise in my garage only to find my ex out there working on my son’s bicycle. My son had called him to see if he could fix his wheel so he popped in to work on it. Another time we woke up to my ex knocking on my front door bringing my son some drive through food. Even after I remarried we carpooled with each other to my son’s band concert that was out of town. When my ex bought his house, I went over with the kids and we had a painting party and I helped him paint and decorate the kids bedrooms there. Granted, that kind of arrangement could be considered odd or might make people feel uncomfortable, but it was important to me for my kids to maintain as normal a relationship with both of us as possible post divorce. Maybe that’s why I’m over here scratching my head so utterly confused that Hubs is getting scolded for asking about headaches and the kids are getting scolded for telling us about the trash can. Like seriously …. I can’t even.

Enjoy your week guys. Stay strong. Meditate. Exercise. Sleep well. Take your vitamins. We’ve got this. We will survive this season. Bumps and bruises no doubt, but we will survive.

7 years down. 5 years to go. And counting 🙂

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Blended Family – Baggage Edition

Howdy from Texas y’all.

Sorry if I’m blowing up your email today but I’ve got 4-5 blogs jotted down and finally have the time this morning to upload a couple of them. I tried to book a Pilates class but it was full, so blogging it is 🙂

Baggage. Good old fashioned baggage. Does anyone else carry it? I sure do and so does Hubs. Life teaches us lessons. If we are wise, we learn from them. But is it fair to our current partner when we carry baggage from our past relationship into our new relationship? Is it a lesson learned or is it baggage?

Let me give you a few illustrations for example only. Hubs was married for about a decade (hmmm… from maybe 1998-2008 give or take). When that marriage was having problems, he attended counseling. I’m sure that was difficult for him because he can be the quiet and shy type and warms up to people slowly over time (he’s a wise man for that. I should take note since I’ve never met a stranger and pretty much share all of my baggage immediately with nearly everyone I meet and that has definitely come back to bite me when it’s a gossip or liar who spreads that info and especially from a church small group setting. Yeah, I’ll never share in church again … ). But anyway, Hubs attended counseling in his prior marriage and found that it seemed to make things worse and the relationship ended anyway. So Hubs now has this check mark in his mind that counseling makes things more difficult, it doesn’t work, and he’s not open to doing it again. He’s “been there, done that”. I, on the other hand, have seen several of my friends and family law clients relationships blossom and bloom after attending counseling and I want to do it with him. One couple acquaintance of mine attend monthly whether they need it or not. I think it can be good to have a third party help you walk through your underlying issues, bounce things off of, give you encouragement and pointers and hold you accountable. If Hubs did not have that past experience – that baggage – would he be more willing to attend counseling with me because I feel I need it?

On my end, my long term ex boyfriend was very controlling. Very. Over nearly every aspect of my life. What I wore (that was a very big one because anything less than a baggy turtle neck made me look like a … insert bad word here). And I really wasn’t allowed to go out with my girlfriends. If I did, I had to check in with him and be home by 9 or 10 pm when he said he’d call me. He would even drive by my house to make sure my vehicle was home. If I did schedule a girls night because he was busy, amazingly enough he would end up free and would want me to change my plans. When I wanted to go to law school, he told me he would never support me going to law school because it would conflict with his law firm and his long term goals and alter the team work we had going on (I said he’d just be jealous that I’d be the better lawyer haha).  Though I loved him dearly, I rebelled. Big time. I started wearing everything he hated, going out with my friends, not returning calls, and really ticking him off. Then when I met Hubs, I was very clear that I was never going to be manipulated or controlled ever again. Throughout our relationship I have been on a playground seesaw going from far left (honoring and respecting his wishes) to far right (regardless of how you feel, I have to do what I feel is right and what is best for me and you’re not the boss of me). My ex spouse also did me really dirty in the area of finances so I swore I’d never let another man ever mess up my bank account. We could have separate accounts. He could physically pay the bills. But I am going to sit there with him while he does it so I can make sure that everything credit reported is paid, money is saved, business expenses are itemized and there aren’t any credit card bills coming in the mail that I didn’t even know about. Oh yes, I even pull the credit report for both of us at least annually (everyone should). My past experience – the baggage – left me with a great need to control my own life regardless of my marital status. If I did not have that past baggage, would I be more willing to see his requests more as simple boundary requests rather than as an attempt to control me? Would I be more trusting of him as a man? Would he be less frustrated with me? Probably so.

Above I mentioned that I’d never share in church again. And I haven’t. In fact, I manage (or control lol) my “own” small group because I’ve got serious trust issues y’all.

Is that wisdom speaking from life lessons learned or is that baggage that I carry? Or are they one in the same? Or is there a balance somewhere?

I’m really not sure if this “helped” anyone but it’s been repeating in my mind over and over so it was time to jot it down so I can move on LOL.

Coffee cheers your way and have a great day!

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Oh My Gosh I’m #ShannonBeador #Marriage #BlendedFamily #RHOC

Howdy from Texas y’all. Its been too long since I’ve posted in here. There’s really not much to update really except just to send the reminder that MARRIAGE and FAMILY are still the most challenging task I’ve ever attempted to tackle in my entire life LOL.

A couple of months ago Hubs and I joined the Love and Respect class at a local church. I’m not really sure what we were thinking because for Hubs it was just another added layer of stress trying to get off of work and get there on time after a 10-12 hour work day (which I think only happened two or three times because it just didn’t fit in the schedule). But, for the few sessions we did attend, let me tell you … it was eye opening.

Marriage is HARD. Like for everyone. Blended family or traditional family alike (unless you’re just amazing at it in which case this is definitely not the blog for you haha). In the case of a heterosexual marriage between a man and a woman, you’re expecting a male with his emotions, feelings and views and a female, with her emotions, feelings and views to actually come together and see eye to eye and be reasonable with one another, live together 24/7 despite their personality differences, to reach mutual decisions together concerning work, family, finances, child rearing … yeah, bahahahaha. That alone is HILARIOUS.

In the blended family arena, you have ALL of that PLUS much more. You’ve got your kids and their views, his kids and their views, your parents and their input, his parents and their input, friends from before the marriage and their input, friends since you got married and their input, the ex’s and ex’s families input… Really, there’s just way too many opinions in the mix if you know what I mean. Maybe that’s why “leaving and cleaving” was recommended. Can you say Bye Felicia?

Thankfully, I really truly honestly am the kind of person who does not care what other people think about me. To a fault even. Love it or leave it is my motto. Either stay beside me through thick and thin, success and failure, good and bad, pretty or ugly, rich or poor, or do me a favor and get out of the way. Which is exactly what I saw on RHOC this season.

Do you watch Real Housewives of Orange County? I’ve spent much of this morning catching up on my recordings (ya know, because social media has way too many spoiler alerts and Bravo keeps playing those clips and I don’t want them to ruin it for me). And OH MY GOSH, my personality this season wasn’t Tamra (my typical girl), it was Shannon Beador! Holy cow! Do you remember her early on in the show? Fit, healthy, happy, glowing, excited to be with family, annoyed with the Hubs at times but still confident, fun and sassy. Did you see her this season? Chubby, unhappy, short tempered, and telling off anyone and everyone that so much as raised an eyebrow at her, even her best friend? The reality is that her home life was getting the best of her and it spilled over into every other area of her life. Um, insert the emoji of me raising my hand here, please.

I wish I had the answer. The solution. Advice. Pointers. The experience to guide you during the crazy Shannon Beador moments, but I don’t. This “get married and stay married” and blended family gig is a journey and process for me too. Whether I’m being Tamra or Shannon. What I do know is that I am done being this season of Shannon Beador (until my next meltdown) and that it’s time for change. It may take a lot longer than I want but I promise you, it will happen. This caterpillar will be a butterfly once again.

Coffee cheers to all ☕️

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Blended Family Hell … Birthday Edition

Hey y’all, it’s been awhile. I am still in the process of going through my journals over the past 6-7 years to transfer over the blended family portions into this blog. It’s been a bit more challenging than I anticipated but I’m working on it. One of the issues for me is that it is difficult for me to read something 5 years old and edit it. I find it so much easier to journal during the moment and while things are going on. Speaking of … this past weekend.

Yesterday the Hubs shot HCBM (that’s the acronym the parenting pages use that is short for High Conflict Biological Mother) a text asking why his 17 year old daughter was cropping him out of the pictures she was posting on Facebook (she is very loving and kind to his face so it was odd to see him cropped, omitted and fully deleted). I have several conspiracy theories about WHY she did that but I’m not sure which one is correct. [Sidebar – one of the theories is that HCBM pretends that Hubs is an absent parent, a bad parent, doesn’t really help out or support the daughter so the youth group and church members often donate to the child’s needs such as clothes, birthday cash, lunch gift cards, etc. If Hubs were on social media with her and he was able to tag everything he does for the child and with the child it would show the truth and would interfere with her “please pray for us it’s so hard” theory. But, anyway…]

In reply, HCBM said: how did you find her Facebook anyway, I just created it. And you kept me from talking to my son on his birthday Friday. A few minutes later another text: I am just going to delete all of her social media accounts so I don’t have to deal with this. 

Insert a dramatic pause, deep long inhale and slow loud exhale sigh here. Haha.

Now for the truth (or the “other side” as some people call it). This is the THIRD year in a row that HCBM has declined to exercise her visitation with said child on his birthday. In 2015 she text that she had a migraine and wouldn’t be able to drive to get him. In 2016 she said that she had to drop off and pick up her daughter from work and wouldn’t be able to drive to get him (daughter worked 5-9 pm and birthday visit is 6-8 and was completely doable). This year she said she would just switch weekends since he had a football dinner on his birthday and football practice on Sat morning. Keep in mind it was her weekend with the kids and she could have attended the football dinner (it was a family dinner for all players, their parents and siblings and we emailed her the flyer and info a few weeks beforehand).  She could have taken him for ice cream after and spent some time with him. She could have taken the kids for her weekend and taken the child to football practice Sat herself. She could have picked up the kids after football Saturday at Noon and spent the rest of the weekend with them (not to mention they had a youth group function at her church on Sat night and were celebrating her own birthday on Sunday).  Instead, she said she would just get them the following weekend. The kids missed their birthday celebration with her, the youth group party Sat night, and bio mom’s birthday celebration she had on Sunday after church by HER OWN CHOICE. She made that choice. She made that decision.

On Friday morning of the child’s birthday, she emailed asking what time the child would be home from football so she could call him.  Hubs said around 830 pm. We ended up home from the football dinner around 730 pm and started watching a movie. Well, Hubs was snoring on the couch within 10 minutes. When bio mom called his cell, he didn’t hear it.  When bio mom called the house, the boys didn’t hear the phone (it’s in the office). Sat morning we saw that she tried to call his cell and the house, and we told the child that. And so he called her back on Sat at Noon after ball. No big deal. Nothing mysterious. Yet her view was “you kept me from being able to talk to my son on his birthday”.

Y’all… this girl and her fictitious stories are crazy. Her mind and thought process remain a mystery.

On to the social media issue: all Hubs asked is why in the world his daughter was cropping him out of the photos she was posting on Facebook. He said it was rude and hurt his feelings.  Hubs has NO PROBLEM with his daughter having a Facebook or Instagram as long as she is not sending inappropriate messages and photos, etc.  He even has a Facebook account for her (that she doesn’t have access to) and the oldest son so he can post on their pages, tag them in photos, etc. He doesn’t even mind the kids having 2 seperate accounts. One for their mom’s house and family and one for his house and family. But rather than discuss it with him or work out something, rather than COMMUNICATE, she just lost her kool-aid, ranted, wrongfully accused him of birthday drama and deactivated all of the daughter’s social media accounts within about an hour. 

It continuously comes across as if Hubs is not allowed to ask questions or inquire about the most basic things concerning his daughter. As if he is to know his place as non-custodial parent (by agreement – he had full custody) and keep his mouth shut. It’s honestly very sad and unfortunate.

7 years down, 6 to go (which is pretty exciting because it used to be 1 year down, 12 to go).

Coffee cheers your way guys and enjoy today’s eclipse 🙂

 

 

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Lawsuit and Child Custody Stress #BlendedFamily #Divorce #Custody #ParentalAlienation

Four years ago I published a blog on my personal page for a friend that was going through a divorce and child custody lawsuit.  Today, that single article has had over 7,500 views and continues to be accessed via Google on pretty much a daily basis from all over the world.  So, I’ve decided to share a condensed version of it here for my fellow Blended Family Hell on Earth peeps.

I’ve often heard people talk about the immediate feeling of community they experience when they meet other people who have gone through similar sufferings as they have (ex. have both lost a child, have both gone through cancer treatment, have both lost a spouse, have both been involved in a serious car wreck, have both been a victim of sexual assault, etc.). My group is with those who have gone through the literal hell of divorce involving litigation over child custody and parental alienation and the damage that causes.

Not only have Hubs and I gone through this personally, I’ve watched at least 100 other couples go through this since I worked in a litigation law firm that handled child custody lawsuits for about 15-20 years.  Family law was not my specialty per se (personal injury and wrongful death was) but any time we had families involved in highly contested family law litigation my boss did pass that case over to me to handle or at least oversee all of the emergency pleadings, motions, TRO’s, protective orders affidavits, etc. Truly, I’ve seen it all. At least it feels like I have.

That said, when friends, family or clients ask me how they can survive this season of hell, this is pretty much my response each and every time.  It’s definitely not all inclusive and sometimes things simply will not work out.  But, if you’re looking for some form of encouragement and hope, maybe this will help.

Baby Momma Drama.  Baby Daddy Drama.  That’s jokingly what we call it. The cause? A consequence of marrying the wrong person, poor choices, adultery, marrying too young, for the wrong reasons, growing apart, giving up, a natural consequence of divorce, it just comes with the territory…? Yes to any or all of those things. But regardless of HOW you found yourself at this point, if you are at that point where there is no turning back, then you need the proper tools to handle it.

I am rather used to speaking with people forced to endure this level of high anxiety and emotion. And let me tell you, very few things are as stressful and intense as warfare involving your kids. And, nothing has the ability to bring out straight ugly behavior and emotions in you that you didn’t even know you had until you are involved in family law litigation.

First, know that you are NOT alone. This level of stress could make anyone look like a psychotic lunatic (oh yes even me). But there is hope! Yaye. You are NOT a psychotic lunatic even if you feel like one. (Disclaimer: unless you are psychotic LOL)

Secondly, I’m going to be straight up honest with you. There have been times that I have participated in the hard core screaming, texting, and anger emailing while dealing with our contested family and custody issues. And you know what? That didn’t help me much. As soon as my red face calmed down and I stopped seeing red, I was still in the same boat I was in before the anger rage rant only now I had backtracked a few steps and it didn’t get me anywhere. I threw a fit and made sure I was heard but we were no closer to any type of agreement and the kids homework still wasn’t finished.  My energy was just depleted and I was too exhausted to do much of anything much less look like a warrior princess.

Please know that the process of walking through this valley of the shadow of death is two steps forward, one back, three forward, one back, four forward, one back. You will take steps back and when you do you will tend to beat yourself up. Don’t do that. It’s kind of like dieting. If you over eat at one meal, don’t use that as an excuse to over eat for the next week. Repent, seek strength, and get back on track moving forward. It may take lots of time and money and energy but it DOES COME TO AN END. Like labor pains, eventually the baby is born and you will be on the other side of this battle.

For me personally, I used prayer and scripture as my outlet. For you it may be yoga or kickboxing. We are all different. But, since mine was prayer, I’m going to share the versus that I prayed. I knew full well that the accusations against my family were false, lies, and were designed to cause pain.  And so I wrote myself these reminders on a document about the ex and the lies.

The Lord turns his face against those who do evil; he will erase their memory from the earth. The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. Calamity will surely overtake the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be punished. Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Put on your armor and take up your shield. Prepare for battle and come to my aid. Bring shame and disgrace on those trying to kill me; turn them back and humiliate those who want to harm me. I did them no wrong but they dug a pit to catch me. So let sudden ruin come upon them! Let them be caught in the trap they set for me! Let them be destroyed in the pit they dug for me… and I will be glad because He rescues me. Malicious witnesses testify against me. They accuse me of crimes I know nothing about. Rescue me from these fierce attacks. Protect my life from this lion. O Lord… do not stay silent. Do not abandon me now. O Lord Wake up! Rise to my defense! Take up my case, my God and my Lord. Declare me not guilty, O Lord my God, for you give justice. Don’t let my enemies laugh about me in my troubles…. May those who rejoice at my troubles be humiliated and disgraced. May those who triumph over me be covered with shame and dishonor…Pour out your unfailing love on those who love you; give justice to those with honest hearts. Don’t let the proud trample me or the wicked push me around. Look! Those who do evil have fallen! They are thrown down, never to rise again. I will not worry about the wicked or envy those who do wrong. Like grass they soon fade away… I will trust in the Lord and do good. Soon the wicked will disappear. Though you look for them, they will be gone. The wicked plot against the godly; they snarl at them in defiance. But the Lord just laughs, for he sees their day of judgment coming. The strength of the wicked will be shattered, but the Lord takes care of the godly. I will turn from evil and do good, and I will live in the land forever. For the Lord loves justice and will never abandon the godly. The wicked wait in ambush for the godly looking for an excuse to kill them. But the Lord will not let the wicked succeed or let the godly be condemned when they are put on trial.

And don’t forget, regardless of how crooked or conspiring the other party is, be honest and trustworthy and do what is right. You do the right thing to the best of your ability and leave the results up to God. I have heard some people talk about karma (sowing and reaping). Don’t be misled – you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up…

And when your flesh man does win out (the step back), repent quickly and get right back up. Don’t lose the battle on your own by constantly beating yourself up. Stay strong. Remain the warrior that you are, the one deep in there, the one you are when you’re at your best and strongest.

Fight offensively within the legal parameters you have.  Get a GOOD lawyer.  Find the right one who cares about your situation and will NOT quit. This is where it is essential to find a LITIGATOR.  Someone who knows the Judge, the courtroom and is not scared of a trial or the other attorney.

I have referred to this difficult road as the valley of the SHADOW of death. It is important to remember that a SHADOW cannot harm you. It’s scary. It’s looming. Sometimes it’s overwhelming but it’s only a SHADOW.

Also, whether you win your hearing or not, whether you continue to return to the courtroom or not, the kids WILL know the truth. Journal. Document EVERYTHING. We have 2 large boxes full of documents that prove the truth of what we went through. Once the kids are over 18 and no longer under the court’s rule and reign, IF THEY ASK, we will show them everything we have.  It’s also been scanned in, saved to a flash drive and stored in a fireproof safe.

The parent who does NOT cooperate and works to win by using the child as a target will lose in the end even if they win temporarily in court.  Just remember that.

I hope you will find the strength and support you need during this difficult time.

Coffee cheers your way.  Keep your head up.

 

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Marriage is Hard Y’all #LysaTerKeurst #Divorce #Family #Marriage

It’s been a minute since I’ve updated this blog site but I really wanted to save this article written by Lysa TerKeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministries about the current state of her marriage and her decision to move forward with a divorce.

I believe it’s beautifully written and just an overall good reminder to those who are struggling in similar circumstances.

Hugs from Texas.

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Purpose #Marriage #BlendedFamily #Life

Before Hubs and I took our annual Operation Marriage 2017 Vacation, I discussed my desire with him to really start working on writing a book.  Ok, at least trying to (given the OCD, ADHD, and continual squirrel that bounces around in my brain).  I sat up one night and just pondered … what is the POINT of the book though?  To simply share warnings, stories, make others feel less alone?  To try to prevent or discourage people from blending families (bahahaha…. not really, but hey we were just brainstorming) or to encourage reconciliation over divorce?  To encourage them to hang in there (nope, that’s not it because on any given day we are not even sure if we will actually “make it”)?

So why the book?

Then it hit me…. at about 4 am when everything does.  Squirrel – is 4 am “writers hour”?  I mean, I seriously have woken up between 3-4 am nearly every single night for over a month.  Even while on vacation I woke up in the middle of the night – wide awake – ready to start the day.  Anyway…

For me, the purpose of the book is to (1) share stories, (2) provide helpful advice if it does exist, (3) provide encouragement where possible, (4) share some of our MISTAKES because if you can learn from ours by all means please do so and (5) MOST IMPORTANTLY, be sure that during the process you take care of YOURSELF and don’t lose yourself to everything going on around you.

I used to think that “sticking it out and remaining married” meant that we had won the Blended Family battle.  But that’s simply not true.  The reality is that “winning” at this Blended Family life (or even traditional family life) means being able to be the best, healthiest, whole version of yourself despite having great difficulties in life.  Being healthy and whole is my current goal (because I’m a hot mess half of the time) and that will be reflected in the book.

P.S.  On the plane ride home Friday afternoon, the crew reminded us that in the event of an on board emergency you should always put YOUR breathing mask on first before helping others.  I believe that we often find ourselves taking care of everyone else (spouse, employer, kids, the home needs, etc) without even realizing that we are out of oxygen and energy ourselves.

Iced tea cheers to the healthiest and whole version of yourself that you can be.

Love from Texas

 

 

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